


It Never Happens Like It Should

by imzoe_fuckit



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bookstores, Break Up, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Flashbacks, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Jay's wedding, M/M, Post-Break Up, Reconciliation, Recreational Drug Use, Rehabilitation, Weddings, a lot of those characters are just like mentioned or something, longest larry ive actually finished yay, side Ziam, uhmmm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-04
Updated: 2015-02-04
Packaged: 2018-03-10 10:13:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3286517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imzoe_fuckit/pseuds/imzoe_fuckit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Harry backed into his flat to close the door, but Louis couldn’t let that be it.</i><br/><br/><i>“Hey, Harry?”</i><br/> <br/><i>“Yeah?”</i><br/><br/><i>“If you ever need anything, you know where to find me, right?”</i><br/><br/><i>Harry huffed out a laugh, nodded, and closed the door.</i><br/><br/> ***<br/><br/><br/>Louis’ world once revolved around Harry. He's figuring out how to make it turn again himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Never Happens Like It Should

**Author's Note:**

> I'm working on so many fics right now it's ridiculous.

It’s been almost two weeks, almost fourteen whole days. Louis knows this because of a few things. The stubble on his face has matured into a full beard since he hasn’t felt the need to shave, his garbage is piled high with enough take-away containers that it’s almost like he’s back in uni, and Louis doesn’t think he’ll ever lose track of the number of days since he last saw Harry.

 

He hadn’t done much of anything in that time, mostly choosing to ignore his phone and switch between his couch and his bed. Louis’ friends had been over a handful of times, but never for long. They usually left after watching a movie, or two, with him and silently wondering when Louis would be okay enough to leave the house.

 

The thing is, the reason wasn’t that he wasn’t okay, he was far better than he thought he would be. Louis just knew that if he left, he would end up at a pub, or club, or worse, at Harry’s door. None of those things would be good for him, it took him weeks to get up the will and courage to leave in the first place. To realize that his friends were right and it really wasn’t healthy. He knew if he ended up with Harry again, he wouldn’t have the willpower to leave another time, and he would be right back where he started, high on whatever Harry had laying around and in a relationship that wasn’t good for anyone.

 

Louis used the time to convince himself that eventually he’d be able to go outside and not go running back. He also hadn’t been to work in those two weeks, and much longer before that, leaving his store to the mercy of Liam and Zayn, who he hoped hadn’t tried to understand his organization system and fucked it all up. Louis was grateful they had taken care of it for him, but it was also their fault he was forced to get out of bed and into the shower. According to the message that woke him up, neither of them would be able to open up the shop today and Louis couldn’t afford to be closed on a Friday. So, there he was, washing himself for the first time in a number of days that he didn’t want to try and guess and trying to care enough about his appearance to shave his face.

 

It turned out that he didn’t care enough and left his flat looking more like a bum than like himself, but at least he smelled nice again and could ignore the urge to get the tube straight to Harry’s. The feeling was there, but he was strong enough to push passed it and grab the train in the opposite direction, only staring wistfully at the other one for a minute, and that was progress.

***

_Louis really was just minding his own business, sitting on the grass in the park with his eyes closed and face turned towards the sky. There could have been an argument made that he was also laying in a position that could possibly attract eligible boys, but he was mostly minding his own business. That’s why, when a neon green Frisbee landed in his lap, he may have jumped a bit._

 

_Ignoring that he had been startled by a plastic disk, Louis lifted his sunglasses to the top of his head and stared at said disk. He was about to get up to find the toy’s owner and return it, only planning to milk his nonexistent injury if the person was cute, when a pair of legs jogged up to him, already apologizing profusely._

 

_“I’m so sorry, my friend seems to think I’m more athletic than I am.”_

 

_The pair of legs that had originally caught Louis’ attention apparently also had the rest of a body as well, and what a nice body it was. Long legs connected to an even longer torso with a pretty face on top of it all and strands of hair framing that face that had fallen out of his bun. Louis felt at a disadvantage from his position, so he attempted to get up as gracefully as he could, also keeping ahold of the disk. It didn’t work out so well as he stumbled a bit, but the stranger steadied him with hands on both of his upper arms, so he didn’t mind._

 

_“It’s alright mate, can’t say I’ve ever been hit by a rogue Frisbee before, though,” Louis told him._

 

_“Bet it’ll make a great story at parties,” the guy smiled so wide it took up half his face; Louis was endeared._

 

_He nodded, “Tell everyone how I was just innocently sitting when some guy hit me with a disk just so he would have an excuse to come talk to me.”_

 

_“Hey, I’ll have you know, if that was why, I would have been much smoother about it.”_

 

_Louis chose to ignore that he hadn’t come over to flirt with him and focus on the possibility that the boy had been thinking about smooth ways to approach him._

 

_“Well, Frisbee-Boy, those people don’t have to know that.”_

 

_“It’s Harry, actually.”_

 

_Louis shook his head, “That won’t change my story at all, Frisbee-Boy.”_

 

_Harry smiled, “What if I invited you to come play with us?”_

 

_He pretended to think about it for a moment before nodding and accepting his invitation. They walked towards Harry’s friend who had been watching their encounter with an expression of boredom on his face, he looked a little more intrigued when he realized Louis was joining them. Louis decided that it was because the friend hadn’t thought hitting someone with a disk was a pick-up that would work._

 

_“So, do I get to know your name?” Harry asked._

 

_“Only if you earn it.”_

_***_

Louis wished he hadn’t left the flat. His bookstore was empty and had been since he opened a few hours earlier. He had forgotten how dead it usually is in the middle of the week while all the kids are still at school and adults are at work. Classes had just started up that week and Louis would have to get used to the hours in the shop by himself again.

 

Usually Harry would be in the chair next to him, reading something out loud or just keeping Louis company. However, Harry wasn’t there and the chair had mysteriously disappeared. Louis figured either Zayn or Liam had thrown it in the trash or storage, he found that he didn’t really mind. There was a noticeable absence of the boy that he definitely did mind, but he could handle it. It had been two and a half months since he had left Harry’s the last time and he had been spending less and less time everyday thinking about it. Less time meant only half of his day instead of every minute. He had even cut the wistful staring at the train to Harry’s to just a glance or two. Getting out of bed wasn’t as hard anymore, and he only felt around on the other side of the bed for a warm body for a second before remembering.

 

That day, Louis’ companion was his beat-to-hell writer’s journal and a playlist that he pretended Harry didn’t make him. With his feet perched on the counter and his chair tipped further back than it should be, he put his pen to a piece of paper and tried to churn out a poem that didn’t sound like a Nicholas Sparks’ plot. For the past month, all he had been able to pen were sappy poems that sounded like a lovesick teenager had written them. Louis wasn't a lovesick teenager, he was a man in his twenties who could control his feelings. He could get passed the heartache, loneliness, and all of the things that go along with the ending of an almost five year long relationship.

 

Louis counted himself lucky, the crying only lasted a few days once he convinced his brain and tear ducts it really was for the best. He had been headed to a dangerous place for years with Harry and a clean break was the only way out. Hopefully, he would be able to write enough poems to put out another collection, his last one published a year or so back was full of lines written in a drug haze. The metaphors and imagery that made up the poems had apparently made sense and appealed to people even though he hadn’t remembered writing most of them.

 

When the bell above the door made a noise for the first time that day, Louis had written a few lines that he could be proud of.

The feeling is there

and I miss him so,

but it’s not a feeling that will kill me

like staying would have.

***

_“Well, this just isn’t fair,” Louis huffed after opening his door._

 

_Harry’s eyebrows scrunched in confusion, “What isn’t fair?”_

 

_Louis gestured at Harry with a pout, “That you look like a goddamn model. We’re just going to the movies, Harry, not fashion week. Now I have to go change.”_

 

_Harry was in black jeans that were probably women’s jeggings and a floral patterned shirt unbuttoned a few times with a black scarf holding his hair back from his face. Louis, on the other hand, was wearing a normal-person pair of jeans and a tee shirt. All he had going for him was that the whole outfit was clean. He turned to go back into his flat, completely serious about changing his outfit. He was caught by the wrist, however, by Harry and unable to move._

 

_“Lou, you don’t have to change. I think you look nice,” Harry was smiling at him sincerely, even though Louis was pretty sure he was full of it._

 

_“Hm, you’re a pretty good liar, I’ll have to remember that,” he was mostly kidding, but made sure to store the information anyway._

 

_Louis closed the door behind him, deciding that he didn’t really want to change because Harry was still going to look like a god and he didn’t have an outfit that would compete. He grabbed the hand that was still circled around his wrist loosely and walked with Harry outside. It was still warm out, though the sun had gone down about an hour earlier, so Louis was glad he hadn’t brought a jacket. Sweaty hands is not a good way to impress someone on a first date._

 

_The theater was only a few blocks from Louis’ building and they walked the way hand in hand. Louis asked Harry the important questions they hadn’t covered yet through their texting like favorite color and shape. Louis himself was partial to purple and triangles, and Harry admitted that he liked red and trapezoids. It was a difference of opinion, but Louis figured it could work between them anyway._

 

_He was even more convinced of their compatibility when Harry bought them a large popcorn and three different kinds of candy._

 

_“So, Styles, do you like butter on your popcorn, or is this date over?”_

 

_Harry laughed and handed him the bucket, “Go nuts.”_

 

_“You’re quickly making up for looking better than me.”_

 

_Louis started the process of making sure every piece of popcorn had enough butter and salt on it. Harry bumped him with his shoulder._

 

_“Hey, stop that. You look good.”_

 

_Louis smiled at him, “Good enough to feel up in a dark theater?”_

 

_“For sure,” Harry promised._

 

_He finished with their popcorn and walked into their theater, suddenly much more excited for the movie than he was before. When the credits rolled, Louis couldn’t recall the movie’s title, let alone the plot._

_***_

“Really, I’m fine. I promise,” Louis assured his friends.

 

Liam looked at him skeptically while Zayn was a little more sure of his friend’s recovery.

 

“Jesus, Li, will you chill out a little. It’s been almost four months, I’m not going to break down and get drunk and do lines just because we’re in a pub. I’ve been going to the meetings, and they’ve been helping.”

 

“Why don’t I go get us something to drink, babe,” Zayn offered.

 

Liam shook his head, “I don’t want to drink if Louis can’t, it’s rude.”

 

“Three ginger ales coming up then.”

 

Zayn walked away leaving Louis at the table alone with his boyfriend and his sympathetic look.

 

“If you don’t stop looking at me like I’m made of glass I’m going to post those pictures of you from your birthday party online, I swear I will,” Louis threatened.

 

“I know you’re not made of glass, I just worry about you.”

 

Zayn came back with their ginger ales and slid back into his seat next to Liam. There was some space between them still, and Louis knew it was because they didn’t want to act all in love in front of him.

 

“I have been a functioning member of society again for months now, there’s no need to worry.”

 

A couple hours later, they were treating him like a normal person again. Louis was glad he was able to talk to his friends like he used to. Laughing about nothing and reminiscing about high school and uni. Zayn had been more comfortable around Louis than Liam had in the last couple months. He knew Louis well enough to understand that he really was going to recover.

 

When Liam left the table to take a call or a piss, Louis didn’t hear, Zayn looked at him seriously, and he knew what he was going to say.

 

“Do you want to know?” Was all he asked.

 

Louis had thought about it since he had gotten to the pub that night. He knew Zayn and Liam still kept in touch with Niall and Harry, mostly Niall. They knew what had been happening with Harry over the last few months, and apparently Zayn now thought he could handle knowing too.

 

Louis nodded, “Yeah, I probably should know, shouldn’t I?”

 

“He hasn’t been good. Niall’s been trying to keep him in check as much as he can, but you know how Harry can be. Finally took Grimshaw up on his offer of a job at the station. Niall said he usually shows up either high or hungover, but Grimmy doesn’t care since it’s him who supplies Harry with everything. Apparently, he’s out almost every night finding people to take home.”

 

Louis took a deep breath and let it out in a sigh. It wasn’t as hard to hear as the thought it would be, wasn’t much different from when they were together.

***

_The building was very posh, very big and very posh. Louis was not intimidated by a building, maybe of the people who lived in the building who Harry apparently knew, but certainly not a building. They walked in the front doors, held open by a doorman of course, and were met with a lobby that was nicer than any of the fancy hotels Louis had seen._

 

_“How do you know this guy again?” Louis’ voice was quiet because he was sure it would disturb the calm of the room if it was any louder._

 

_“Met when he talked to one of my classes last semester about radio and stuff, and we’ve hung out a bunch since then.”_

 

_“And he knows you’re bringing your not-so-posh boyfriend?”_

 

_Harry knocked shoulders with him and held his hand, “Of course he knows, Nick’s excited to meet you. Always complains how I don’t shut up about you and wants to see if you’re as great as I say.”_

 

_“No pressure or anything.”_

 

_Louis was glad he had enlisted Harry’s help in picking out an outfit for the party because, as soon as he walked in, he was met with people dressed in Saint Laurent and Lanvin. The flat was probably bigger than the entire floor Louis lived on, and the bottles on the tables were all high quality liqueurs that could pay for a year of uni._

 

_“I take that back, lots of pressure,” Louis mumbled._

 

_Harry pulled him around the room, introducing him to people whose names he wouldn’t remember the next day, and who probably didn’t care who he was. They finally found the infamous Nick a half hour later, bent over the coffee table with a few people who were without a doubt models. He sat up after a loud sniff and rubbed at his nose, his face lighting up when he saw Harry._

 

_“Styles,” Nick smiled, “glad you could make it, mate.”_

 

_Harry said something polite back with a smile as well, and then introduced Louis._

 

_“Ah, so this is the boyfriend that has stolen all your time from us. Nice to finally meet you.”_

 

_Louis wasn’t sure if he was being sarcastic or not, but echoed his statement anyway._

 

_“Pixie brought party favors if you boys would like a line or two. Harry, you know how to do it, I must be off to mingle and such. I’ll see you guys later.”_

 

_Nick walked off to join another group, leaving him and Harry with the models who didn’t look interested in their presence at all. Harry sat down in the spot on the couch that Nick had just vacated, and Louis stood awkwardly next to him, not sure what to do. Harry noticed his hesitance and pulled him down to sit sideways on his lap._

 

_“Try to loosen up, love. It’s just a party, not a big deal.”_

 

_Louis nodded and relaxed more on his lap._

 

_“I’m going to do a line, would you like one?”_

 

_Louis had never done cocaine before, he had smoked his fair share of spliffs with Zayn, but that was it. He thought about it for a second before deciding to take Harry’s advice and loosen up._

 

_“Why not?”_

_***_

“Would anyone else like to share today?” Catherine asked the thirty or so people sitting around in the circle.

 

Louis took a deep breath and decided that it was probably time for him to say something, so he raised his hand. Catherine smiled at him and nodded for him to speak.

 

“Okay, well,” he paused, “I’m Louis, and I’ve been sober for just over six months.”

 

The obligatory “Hi Louis” echoed through the room.

 

“I guess it all started with my ex-boyfriend. He had really rich and influential friends who got him into drugs and stuff. It was almost a year into our relationship when I met them all, and I was introduced to it too. It wasn’t bad in the beginning, for a year or so, it was just fun. We went to the parties on the weekends and met models and famous people, got drunk and high and just had a good time.”

 

Louis had to stop for a moment. He realized how fast he was talking and apologized to the room, no one said anything back. Louis remembered when everything turned bad, and took another deep breath to calm himself.

 

“A couple years after we got together, it stopped being fun and started becoming a necessity. It’s like we didn’t know how to be together sober. The parties were almost every night at that point, and after a while, we were getting high during the day, too. By then, I had graduated uni and had opened a little store. It was nice at first, we would just sit behind the counter, and he would read to me while I worked or attempted to work. Keeping focus on any specific task while on some unknown drug wasn’t easy. Eventually, I think he got tired of it, or me, and decided sitting in a bookstore all day wasn’t entertaining enough. Once I was left alone there, it wasn’t hard for him to convince me to leave it behind and come live with him in a drug-induced haze. A couple of my friends took over for me and really took care of everything. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for them. They eventually were able to convince me that I needed to end the relationship and get help.”

 

Louis thought he was done with his story but realized how Harry had come off in it, sounding like a terrible person. He couldn’t let them think that, even if none of them knew who he was.

 

“My ex wasn’t a bad guy, he was actually one of the best people I know, and I loved him a lot. I still love him, but we were both heading down a bad path together, and one of us needed to end it. I know he is still living that life, and I’m really worried about him. I wish there was something I could do, but I’m not sure there is.”

 

Louis sat down heavily in his chair, finally finished, and the group thanked him for his words.

***

_His face was sticky. Sticky and attached to the floor under him. With a groan, Louis forcibly lifted himself from the hardwood. His back cracked a few times, and that helped the ache in it.There were a few other people littered through the room passed out on various pieces of furniture. Louis vaguely recognized them from the night before through the pounding of his head._

 

_When he was firmly on his feet and didn’t believe he would fall back over, Louis went in search of the bathroom, pretty sure he knew where it was at one point. All of the doors and walls were a pristine white that looked like they had never been touched, so he wasn’t sure exactly where he was going. It took him three tries to find a bathroom._

 

_Louis looked at himself in the mirror above the sink and groaned again. His eyes were red with dark bags under them, hair a fucking mess and cheek covered in a dried liquid. He only really cared about not being sticky anymore, so he took care of that and went in search of Harry. Louis couldn’t remember much from the night before, but he knew his boyfriend had been there and was probably passed out somewhere._

 

_Behind a couple other doors, he found more people, but none were Harry. The last one at the end of the hall was the only one left, so he pushed that one open too, more carefully this time since he had hit someone who was on the floor in a previous room. The first thing he noticed was Harry’s shirt on the floor, and it was definitely Harry’s because Louis had bought it for him. Next was the small pile of pills left on the bedside table. Last was the rumpled sheets and bodies tangled in them. One was Harry, Louis could tell, and the other was no one that he recognized._

 

_His first instinct was to find Harry’s trousers with the keys to the car in the pocket and leave. His second thought didn’t tell him that it was wrong, so he searched the floor and found them flung over the back of a chair. Louis wasn’t paying attention to his feet as they walked across the room and ended up tripping over what felt like a pair of shoes, and crashing into the dresser. The loud noise ended any hope Louis had of getting out unnoticed, and he looked towards the bed when a sound came from it._

 

_Harry sat up, the light sheet falling around him putting his bare torso on display. With a rub to his eyes, he saw the cause of the noise._

 

_“Lou? What the hell was that?”_

 

_“I, uh,” he stammered, “tripped.”_

 

_“What are you doing?” Harry stretched with a moan, and Louis wanted to leave._

 

_“Looking for your keys. I was going to drive myself home.”_

 

_“Why? I can drive you home.”_

 

_Louis really wanted to leave, “Didn’t want to wake you, looked like you had a busy night.”_

 

_Harry looked at the boy next to him that still hadn’t woken up and shrugged, “I was high, and you were already passed out. It’s not a big deal.”_

 

_“I just want to go home.”_

 

_“Give me a minute, and I’ll drive you, okay?”_

 

_Louis nodded and went to wait by the front door, still processing how casual Harry had been about being caught. He tried not to wonder if it had happened before because he really didn’t want to know._

_***_

“Welcome home, sweetheart. Fiz, get that out of Ernest’s mouth,” were the first words Louis heard when he walked into his mum’s house.

 

Jay was at the sink washing dishes while Fizzy kept an eye on the twin toddlers playing on the floor. She dried her hands on a towel before giving Louis a big hug that he hadn’t realized he needed. According to Zayn, who heard from Niall, Harry had been in the hospital recently getting his stomach pumped after a particularly bad night out. It took Louis more willpower than he thought he possessed not to go make sure he was alright himself.

 

“Hey, mum, it’s great to see you.”

 

“Go on sit,” she gestured at the table, “I’ll put the kettle on.”  


“Thanks.”

 

Louis sat in one of the chairs at the table and pulled his knees up to rest his chin on them. Fiz put the toddlers into their playpen and came to sit across from him with a smile.

 

“Nice of you to come visit finally. What’s it been, two years, since you’ve been home?”

 

He shrugged, “‘Bout. Sorry, there’s just been a lot going on. You got the stuff I sent, right?”

 

“Yeah,” she nodded, “but I don’t think it would’ve been that hard to drive the presents and stuff up yourself.”

 

Louis didn’t answer her because she was right. He had been selfish for the last few years and hadn’t been home since he visited a few months after the twins were born. After being alone for almost nine months, he had finally felt up to making the trip. He also was pretty sure that he would’ve gone to see Harry if he had stayed that week.

 

“Felicite, leave your brother alone,” Jay said when she joined them at the table, setting mugs in front of each of them, “he’s back now, and that’s what matters.”

 

Louis cradled the warm mug in his hands to warm them since it had been pretty chilly outside. The string brushed his fingers, and he picked it up to play with it aimlessly.

 

“So, why didn’t Harry come with you?”

 

His fingers stilled immediately, and he stared at the surface of the liquid. Louis hadn’t realized that his family didn’t know about him and Harry. He wasn’t sure how he thought they would have found out if he didn’t tell them, but they should have just known.

 

“Uh, well,” Louis didn’t look up from his mug, “we kind of broke up.”

 

If he hadn’t had both of their attentions before, he certainly did then.

 

“What are you talking about, when did this happen?” Fiz demanded.

 

“About nine months ago.”

 

“And you didn’t feel the need to tell us? We all had bets on when you would get married.”

 

Louis shrugged, and Jay scolded her daughter.

 

“Sorry,” he mumbled.

***

_Louis couldn’t remember much of the ceremony at all really, he was much too focused on the feeling of Harry’s hand on his thigh. The light tapping of his fingers sent shivers and shocks up and down Louis’ whole right leg. He wanted to tell Harry that it wasn’t a good time for that kind of touching, especially in a church, but he couldn’t find the words. Even if he could have put together a sentence, his throat was far too dry to push them out._

 

_“Love,” he heard a whisper in his ear, “it’s over. It’s time to go.”_

 

_Harry moved from his thigh to his hand and made sure Louis was stood steadily before shooting him a wide smile._

 

_“How do you feel?”_

 

_Louis swallowed his own spit to help his dry throat, and smiled back, “I feel great. Can we go to the reception now?”_

 

_Harry nodded and pulled him over to his mum and Dan, so they could congratulate them quickly and move on to the next location. They both looked so happy, and the boys gave them hugs. Louis hoped their eyes weren’t too dilated to where Jay could tell how high they were, but she didn’t say anything, so he figured they were okay._

 

_After a few glasses of champagne at their table, Louis and Harry were having the time of their lives on the dance floor, twirling each other in large circles and doing exaggerated ballroom moves. They were more laughs than words, smiles hurting their cheeks, but they didn’t seem to care. The people around them were smiling too, endeared by the happy couple._

 

_Louis was in the midst of being dipped by Harry when his sister, Lottie, came up to them._

 

_“Lou, can I talk to you outside for a minute?”_

 

_There was no smile on her face and it made Louis lose his, his sister looked upset with him. Harry set him upright on his feet again and whispered in his ear about going to get another drink while Louis was outside. He went to the open bar, and Louis followed Lottie through the doors. He leaned against a stone statue, and Lottie stared at him with her arms crossed._

 

_“What?” He asked._

 

_Lottie sighed, “What are you on?”_

 

_“What do you mean?” He knew he was caught, but he still didn’t want to admit to his little sister that he didn’t actually know what Harry had given him._

 

_“I’m not stupid, Lou, and Zayn told me to watch out for you. Said you haven’t been yourself lately.”_

 

_Louis pushed off from the statue and crossed his arms right back at her, “It’s none of yours or Zayn’s business what I do. I’m twenty-three years old, if I want to get high, it’s my decision.”_

 

_“We care about you, this isn’t good for you. You need to stop.”_

 

_“Maybe you need to stop caring,” Louis turned to go back to the party and dance with Harry some more, leaving his sister behind._

_***_

It was his fault for deciding that spring cleaning was a good idea. Actually, it was Liam’s fault for putting the idea in his head in the first place, so really it should be Liam’s job. The black knit sweater was sitting on the back of one of Louis’ chairs, taunting him. It must have been hiding in the back of his closet for months, maybe years. Louis couldn’t remember the last time he had cleaned it out.

 

The offending sweater had been hiding under a pile of shoes and other forgotten clothes. Louis knew before he even pulled it the rest of the way out whose it was, and thought about just leaving it there, pretending he never saw it. Ultimately he decided that’s what the Louis from ten months ago would have done, and he had made a lot of progress, so he chose the path that would end up with him at Harry’s door eventually.

 

Louis would like to pretend that he hadn’t caught a whiff of Harry’s cologne on the sweater and then pressed it to his face to smell it more, he really would. After that, he didn’t want to get anywhere near it, but he had to return it. Louis knew he wouldn’t be able to throw it away, and he didn’t want to keep it. So, without thinking too hard about it, he grabbed the clothing and fast-walked to the train he had been ignoring for months.

 

At each of the three stops he had to wait through, Louis was tempted to get off and go home, but he pushed passed the urge like he had done to the opposite feeling many times before. When he was finally at the right stop, his legs felt heavy walking the last two and a half blocks. Louis realized when he was at the door, he had no idea if Harry still lived there. He buzzed for the apartment Louis practically lived in at one point in his life and waited for an answer.

 

It came shortly with a deep voice that Louis would never forget, “Hello?”

 

Louis hadn’t planned what he was going to say, and stumbled through his words, “Uh, yeah, hi. It’s, um, Louis.”

 

The buzz signaling the door being unlocked came much faster than Louis had anticipated, and he braced himself for the meeting. He didn’t wait before knocking, not trusting himself not to back out. The door opened almost immediately.

 

Harry looked the same, but also so different. His hair was longer and his skin was paler, eyes framed by bags and stubble dusting his chin and cheeks. He looked surprisingly good for someone who was in a downward spiral, according to Niall.

 

“What’re you doing here, Lou?”

 

Louis forgot how to speak for a second before pushing out an answer, “Um, I found a sweater of yours in my closet and thought I should give it back.”

 

“That’s a shit reason, but thanks,” he held his hand out for the sweater, and Louis handed it over.

 

Neither of them made a move to leave. “Was that all?” Harry questioned.

 

Louis raised a hand to scratch at the back of his neck, “Yeah, I guess.”

 

Harry backed into his flat to close the door, but Louis couldn’t let that be it.

 

“Hey, Harry?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“If you ever need anything, you know where to find me, right?”

 

Harry huffed out a laugh, nodded, and closed the door.

***

_“Louis, we’re really worried about you,” Liam explained._

 

_Louis was sitting on his couch, very confused as to why he was there with his friends staring at him with sad looks. Liam was even holding a piece of paper in his hand to read off of. Suddenly it all clicked._

 

_“You’ve got to be kidding me. Is this really an intervention?”_

 

_“Lou, hear us out,” Zayn chimed in._

 

_“Why should I? There’s nothing wrong with me, I don’t need an intervention, I’m perfectly happy.”_

 

_“We know that you’re happy,” Liam paused, looking down at the paper again, “But we want you to know that what you’re doing is hurting you, your family and your friends.”_

 

_“It’s really none of your business what I’m doing, so if you’re being hurt, that’s your problem.”_

 

_“Louis, you’ve got to listen to us for once in your goddamn life,” Zayn raised his voice._

 

_He had never been yelled at by Zayn before. The closest he had gotten was in high school when Louis dropped a lit cigarette on Zayn’s bed and almost caught it on fire, but even then he was mostly calm._

 

_“You haven’t seen your family in like a year and a half, you abandoned you store and career, and all you do is get high with Harry.”_

 

_“This isn’t Harry’s fault, leave him out of this,” Louis insisted._

 

_“Of course it is, Lou. He’s the one who got you into all this shit in the first place, this relationship isn’t good for you anymore.”_

 

_“You don’t know anything about our relationship. It’s not his fault,” he reiterated, “If I didn’t want to be with him, doing this, I wouldn’t be. I love him, but I’m my own person, he doesn’t make me do anything.”_

 

_“Then why don’t you stop?”_

 

_Louis was the one yelling then, “Maybe I don’t want to stop. Maybe I like being high, being with Harry.”_

 

_“Really?” Zayn asked, “Being high all the time and throwing your life away makes you happy?”_

 

_Louis paused, he hadn’t thought about whether it made him happy in a long time. It did in the beginning, it was fun, him and Harry doing whatever they wanted with fun people all the time. He couldn’t remember the last time they had been together without being under the influence of something. Louis couldn’t decide whether or not it was fun anymore, or more of a habit, something he did just because he thought he had to. He did know one thing, though. He loved Harry._

 

_“I don’t want to lose him,” Louis admitted quietly._

 

_Liam moved to the couch next to him and put a hand on his shoulder, gently rubbing circles._

 

_“We know you don’t, but you might have to. It might be the best for both of you to go your separate ways.”_

 

_He had been with Harry for almost five years, Louis wasn’t sure he knew how to be separate from him anymore._

***

Louis had just sat down with a cup of tea and his writer’s journal when there was a knock at his door. With a serious contemplation on whether to answer the door or just pretend he wasn’t home and a sigh, he abandoned his tea to answer the knock. He had many guesses on who it could be, but when he opened the door, he found that he was wrong because Harry was not one of his guesses.

 

Harry’s hair was wet from the storm Louis didn’t know was going on outside, and he was shivering a bit. From the look on his face, Harry had either been crying, or was about to start. Louis didn’t question the urge, just opened his arms and let Harry fold himself into them. The taller boy had to slouch to bury his face in Louis’ neck, and it was so familiar Louis felt himself on the verge of tears.

 

With a hand brought up to his hair, Louis tried to sooth him with what he hoped were calming shushes.

 

“Hey, it’s alright. Everything’s going to be fine,” Louis said quietly in Harry’s ear.

 

Harry laughed through his sobs, still in his neck, “You don’t even know what’s wrong.”

 

“It doesn’t matter, it’s still going to be alright.”

 

Louis realized that they were still standing half in his flat, half in the hallway and figured they should move indoors. His neighbors probably wouldn’t appreciate the show. He rubbed up and down on Harry’s back, “Hey, let’s go in and get you a cuppa.”

 

Harry nodded into his neck and finally let him go. When he lead Harry into the living room despite the fact that he was pretty sure Harry remembered where it was, Louis noticed he was wearing the sweater he had returned last month. He tried not to think about it too much and left Harry on the couch to put the kettle on. It didn’t take long for the already hot kettle to whistle, or for Louis to fix a cup of tea the way he remembered Harry liked.

 

In the living room, Harry had taken off his shoes and was sitting on the couch, hugging his knees to his chest. Louis set the mug in front of him and took a sip out of his own that had gone a bit cold by then, but he didn’t want to leave Harry to reheat it. Neither of them said anything, Louis didn’t want to push him to talk before he was ready, so they sat there in silence for at least ten minutes before Harry spoke up.

 

“I’m sorry for just showing up, and crying, and getting you and your sofa all wet. I just,” Harry broke off when his voice quivered.

 

“No, no, no. Harry don’t apologize. I told you to come to me if you needed anything, and I meant it, okay?” Louis insisted.

 

Harry nodded, “Okay. I don’t want to bother you or anything. I know we broke up, and you don’t owe me anything, and you’ve got your life together now, but I think I need help.”

 

He looked so lost and unsure of himself; Louis had never seen him like that before. The Harry he knew was confident and always smiling. He didn’t like this.

 

“Then we’ll get you some help, H.”

***

_Louis was really going to do it, he was ready. Well, not ready because he would never be ready to leave Harry, but as ready as he could be. He hadn’t gone out and partied with him in a week, and he was one hundred percent sober. It had been hard staying away from it all, but he knew that was the only way. He couldn’t break up with Harry high._

 

_He was sitting on the end of Harry’s bed with his elbows propped up on his knees and shoulders hunched over. There was a bag of all his stuff from the apartment at his feet. Louis was surprised that was all he had there: one bag. It had seemed like so much more. He had practically been living there for months. It felt like he had stuffed his entire five year long relationship with Harry into one bag, and that didn’t do it justice. Five years and that’s all he was going to have to show for it, a bag full of stuff he probably could have left behind and not missed._

 

_The front door opened as Louis was staring at the bag at his feet, willing it to disappear. Harry called his name and Louis’ voice was not as strong as he wished it would’ve been when he answered back. Harry came into the room telling a story about something that had happened with Nick earlier that day, and Louis really couldn’t retain any of the words he was saying._

 

_“And he’s having people over again tonight, said we’re invited, obviously. What do you think?” Harry asked._

 

_Louis played with his own fingers in his lap and shook his head, “No, I don’t think I’m going to go.”_

 

_Harry furrowed his brows, and the action created the crease over his nose that Louis found so cute. It really wasn’t helping._

 

_“Why not?”_

 

_Louis took a deep breath that was a lot shakier than he wanted it to be, and hoped he would be able to get through this without crying._

 

_“Because I can’t do this anymore, H,” Louis internally scolded himself for using the nickname. “I can’t live this life anymore.”_

 

_“What are you talking about?” Harry walked a few steps closer to the bed, and Louis shook his head at him, knowing that if Harry sat next to him and grabbed his hands, he wouldn’t be able to say the rest._

 

_“I-I,” he stuttered, “I think we should break up.”_

 

_Harry looked like he had been punched, and Louis could relate because he definitely felt the same. His stomach was in a knot, and his heart was pounding in his ears. It felt like he was the one being dumped._

 

_“No, no you don’t. You’re joking. Why would you want that?”_

 

_“Because I’m afraid of what will happen to both of us if we stay together,” Louis finally admitted to not only Harry, but himself._

 

_“We were supposed to be it, Louis. We talked about the future, I love you,” Harry rushed out._

 

_“I love you, too, Harry, and I wish it was enough, but it’s just not anymore.”_

 

_Louis grabbed his one bag and walked by Harry to the door, stopping next to the boy that was his life._

 

_“I’m sorry.”_

 

_“I never thought this would end,” Harry told him._

 

_“Me neither,” Louis said, and that was the truth._

_***_

Louis and Harry walked from the parking lot into the school that hosted the meetings Louis had been attending alone for a year. They walked hand in hand, but it wasn’t a romantic gesture, just one that made sure they were still both there and together. Louis was about to open the door for the room with the circle of hard plastic chairs, but he was stopped by the hand holding his.

 

“Can we wait a second, Lou?” Harry asked him with wide eyes.

 

“Of course we can, but remember you were the one who decided you were ready.”

 

Harry let out a shaky breath, “I know, I just need to, I don’t know.”

 

He leaned against the lockers that lined the walls and took his hand from Louis’. Harry brought both of his up to rub down his face, leaving it buried in his palms. Louis stood in front of the boy and rubbed his upper arms in a soothing manner.

 

“Hey, this is going to be a good thing for you, H.”

 

Harry nodded, and pushed himself off of the wall, “Okay, I’m ready. Lead the way.”

 

His voice didn’t sound ready, it still sounded scared, but Louis trusted him anyway.

 

“If you want, I can go first, telling my story, so you kind of know what to say,” Louis offered.

 

Harry nodded again, “Thanks, I think that would help.”

 

When they were sat in the circle and the meeting started, Louis raised his hand to speak first.

 

“Hi, I’m Louis, and, as of yesterday, I’m one year sober.”

 

They all said their greeting back, and Louis launched into the story he had perfected over the months. He was very sure every time he spoke to make sure Harry didn’t come off as the bad guy because Harry Styles had never been a bad guy in his life.

 

Over the last month, Harry had been struggling with the start of his rehabilitation, if that’s what it should be called. Louis had helped him every step of the way. Breaking off contact with Nick and the other drug-pushing friends, getting him a job at Louis’ store, and even finding him a new apartment as the old one held too many bad memories. Even though Louis helped a lot, it was all up to Harry to make the decisions himself. If it was Louis doing everything, it would have been way too easy for Harry to eventually fall back into the life he was trying to leave behind. Between his job at the bookstore, and going back to uni, Harry had plenty to keep him busy and away from all temptations.

 

When Louis was finished with his story, the room thanked him, and he took his seat next to Harry again. Harry raised his hand immediately when a new volunteer was asked for, and Louis gave his thigh a squeeze for encouragement. He stood and looked down at Louis with a smile before speaking.

 

“Hi, I’m Harry, and I’ve been sober for a month.”

 

Once again, the room spoke in unison to greet Harry.

 

“First, before I get into everything, I want to thank Louis because without him I wouldn’t be here, and I really can never thank him enough for helping me so much when he could’ve slammed the door in my face.”

 

Louis looked up at Harry with a proud smile on his face. He could tell then, whether they ended up alone or back together, they were both going to be okay.

 

**Author's Note:**

> -Zoë


End file.
